Doing Hard things, is it possible?

Why do we avoid hard things? 

Because we are human 

You’re not alone in your desire to avoid hard things. 

 It is a self-preservational instinct! Hard things can be painful. 

 Yet, we must be careful that we don’t give ourselves the name of “undisciplined”, “lazy”, or “weak”. These may be characteristics that you need to develop, but they are not what define you. You don’t need to wear those labels as name tags. As a matter of fact, the desire to avoid the hard and difficult things in life is found in the nature of your brain. Yep, the brain is wired to avoid pain (aka- hard things) and to seek pleasure (eat the treats). There is a reason why the “road less traveled” is harder than the well-worn path. The well-worn path is easier! That same concept is happening in your brain. The thoughts you think the most are the well-worn paths (literal neuro pathways) in your brain, therefore the easier ones to believe. 

 And why is that good to understand? Because the resistance to doing hard things is a disposition of your brain that you can learn to overcome and even rewire. Neural plasticity gives you the power to change your habits and actions through thinking new thoughts. So exactly how can you rewire what you think about hard things so that those hard things become easier?

Rewire your Hard

Hard starts in your thinking

“Change is about noticing what’s no longer working and stepping out of the familiar, imprisoning patterns.”-Edith Eger, The Choice 

 You may think that the object, challenge, or difficult thing is the source of the hard or pain, but it is actually your own personal thought or opinion about that particular thing. For example, when I say the phrase, “eating on plan” some of you will think, “pretty easy for me” while others may think, “this is so hard”. We all have different thoughts and experiences with a new diet, exercising, and prepping foods. Here is how it works. 

 You have thought about a circumstance. When you think that thought you feel a certain way and then unless that becomes interrupted, you act on that feeling which creates a particular action which then leads to a specific result. Like Newton’s 1 Law of Motion; an object at rest tends to stay at rest unless an outside force acts upon it. In order to rewire your “hard” to become “easy” you cannot remain at rest in your thoughts. You must interrupt them with new thoughts that will set you in a different direction-one that gives you the results you desire. So, let’s see what your current thoughts might be leading you to feel and do and the results that can follow. 

Circumstance- staying on plan 

Thought- this is complicated (fill in your thought)

Feeling- defeated

Action- don’t start, procrastination, completely give up, find another program

Result- you make your life complicated, don’t get closer to your goal, start and stop again

Do you see how the initial thought toward a benign circumstance dictated a negative result? That thought is not at all helpful, in fact, it’s harmful. It only perpetuates the lies of “undisciplined”, “lazy”, or “weak”. It does not help you create momentum or show up for yourself in meeting your health and weight loss goals. 

The good news is, we can rewire the brain! This is the beautiful ability God gave us that we now call neuroplasticity or simply; renewal of the mind. You take the thought that is not helping you and you find a new thought that you can believe, even if just a little bit. And you begin practicing your new, believable thought (this is called an activated thought) to replace the old unhelpful thought.  

You have the power to choose your thoughts.  

If a thought is not helpful or doesn’t point you in the direction of growth, strength, and your best you, why choose to think it? You don’t have to. 

Is that thought easier? Oftentimes it is! Remember the “well-worn path”? The well-worn path was created by habitually thinking that same thought. Roughly 95% of our thoughts we have each day are repeated ones, not new ones! Be sure that the repeated thoughts are the helpful ones. 

Let me suggest some alternative to that thought from above: 

It may feel hard but I can do hard things. (look for evidence, all of you have done hard)

This is figure-out-able.

I don’t know how to do this yet, but I will learn.

I'm the girl that does hard things.

I am capable. 

This is doable.

I am learning step-by-step how to do this.

I am going to get good at doing hard things until they become easy. 

Consider practicing the formula “easy +1” which means you find one new thing and do that until it becomes easy, then you add 1 more thing and do that until it becomes easy. Repeat this process and before you know it, you have so many new “used to be hard” things that are now easy for you! 

Notice how you feel when thinking these alternative thoughts I just mentioned/above. Once you practice these your brain will look for and find evidence that is true. 

Make peace with hard

Nothing new is ever easy

While you are working on your new thoughts and creating new neural pathways, (which takes 63 days by the way according to Dr. Caroline Leaf) the next tactic is to begin making peace with the hard.

Why would I want to make peace with “doing hard”? That doesn't sound like fun. Sometimes we have chatter going on in our brains that create resistance to doing hard things. It may be a little hard to totally believe the new ‘I can” mindset (it's a process after all and you're on your way) so the tactic that has been helpful for me is to make peace or accept, “Yep, this thing that I am about to do is going to be hard and that's ok!”. Just saying “that's ok” gives a little relief and I can carry on with the next step. It’s the bridge that allows you to take action. 

Accept the hard. Open the door and invite it in. 

You can let it be there and still choose to take action. Sometimes I say, “Come on hard, you can go with me while I take the next action step.” It actually helps to neutralize the brain's resistance to the challenge. Accept hard and carry on!

Practice choosing hard vs harder

Intentional choices

Something that I learned along the way: choose hard now instead of choosing harder later. It looks something like this. Staying on playing as hard, but not staying on plan, gaining weight, feeling unhealthy and other consequences are even harder. Not eating sugar is hard, but diabetes and wreaking havoc with my hormones is harder. Taking the time to prep is hard but being unprepared and eating Off-plan Foods or skipping meals is harder on my blood sugar level and slows down my fat loss. Exercise is hard, but being sedentary and its results will be even harder. Allowing urges in a time of temptation is hard but giving in to cravings is harder because of the effects it has on my health. 

So when you have a choice to do hard, play it forward and think through which hard you want to choose. Hard or harder? Am I going to choose the discomfort of hard now or the pain of harder later? Getting intentional with your thinking is key.  

“Over time I learned that I can choose how to respond to the past. I can be miserable, or I can be hopeful-I can be depressed, or I can be happy. We always have that choice, that opportunity for control. I’m here, this is now, I have learned to tell myself, over and over, until the panicky feeling begins to ease….and understand that when we anesthetize our feelings, with eating or alcohol or other compulsive behaviors, we just prolong our suffering.” -Edith Eger, The Choice

Be the girl that does hard

Identity driven habits

Being the girl that does hard is more about your identity than your habit. Connecting with your highest self and becoming the new version of you will help you to consistently uplevel your thoughts, actions, and results. 

To do this will require you to generate new thoughts. New and renewed thoughts about yourself, who you are, who you want to be, and how you want to show up.  

What feeling do you want to have that will drive your emotions and actions so that you create the results that you want? What thoughts do you want to cultivate in your thought garden? For me the feeling that I need to feel in order to show up to do the hard (until it becomes easier) are the feelings of determination, motivation, excitement, courage, and discipline. 

If I need to be motivated I revisit my ‘why” and what outcome I am wanting.

If I want to feel Determined I think:

I can do this

I will figure it out

I am all in, no matter what

If I want to feel Courage I say:

God is with me and I can do all things

I am going to do it scared

Fear won’t stop me

I choose faith instead of fear

If I want to feel Disciplined I know:

I am committed to showing up for myself and doing what I say I am doing to do

I may not want to but I will do it anyway

I am learning show up consistently

I’m here to tell you that you can create those feelings with your thoughts! The characteristics you desire to embody will only occur haphazardly if you wait for them just to show up. In order for them to define how you operate your life, you must put boots (or heels!) on the ground and strut it out.  

Bringing it home

Taking action

-Define what you think is hard regarding your weight loss/healthy journey. Get all those thoughts down on paper. Best advice ever… don’t judge yourself for your thoughts. Your thoughts are not you.  

-Begin looking at how those thoughts make you feel. What actions do you take when you feel that way? Are these thoughts helpful or harmful?

-Generate new thoughts that will create your desired feeling.

-Practice those thoughts daily. Say them out loud, write them down, meditate on them. 

The more you practice and are willing to fail the easier doing Hard things will become. Get good at doing those hard things and before you know it, IT WILL GET EASIER!